To whom it may concern at Queen's University...
To whom it may concern at Queen's University,
I should be graduating in May. This should be my final semester.
Instead I am leaving.
Two near suicide attempts and one leave of absence later, I realized you were not worth my time, money or health.
A lot of it was not your fault, but a lot of it was.
Firstly, your student body and staff still have so much stigma surrounding mental health and invisible illness.
As a person with depression, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, I have always felt like an outsider, unable to participate in activities around campus due to illness and treated like I'm lazy and stupid by peers and profs.
Your "mental health staff" I was sent to after a suicidal episode told me my dreams we too lofty and that I would never achieve them with my health conditions. Not something someone who just 12 hours earlier was considering taking her own life really needs to hear.
I don't want to have to get mad or blame you, but the truth is I do have to. If I don't get mad, no one will listen and nothing will change. The next girl that gets her dreams crushed in your "mental health office" will commit suicide and it will be the school's fault, society's fault, and my fault for not getting mad and speaking up.
Truth is Queen's ruined my self esteem. The pressure to be perfect is reflected in the high achieving student body and the stigmatized ideologies of the staff. It seemed to me that because I was disabled I was believed unable to succeed.
A lot of it was my fault too. I didn't reach out until the end of first year. But once I did I never stopped and failed to find significant support on campus besides the spectacular friends I met during orientation. (Who I am always worried are too busy with their own mental health and crazy course loads, so I avoid reaching out to them). I've watched as other people have gotten them same treatment by your "medical staff" regarding their mental health. It's almost like we're brushed off as crazy and lost causes in terms of graduating no matter how much effort we put in.
You have mental health talks for orientation. You have groups and clubs on campus. There are meetings and activities. But is anyone listening? Many mentally ill students still feel isolated and abandoned by the school.
To put it bluntly: Suicides will happen.
The pressure to be perfect and 'normal' and 'mentally sane' is overwhelming at Queen's.
To be fair, I haven't experienced the atmosphere at other universities and I would love input from other students. But shouldn't Queen's, having the prestigious reputation that is does, be a leader in mental health initiatives?
And maybe you are. But it's a pathetic attempt if you ask me.
I have to tell you this because you aren't accessing the mental health services. We are. And often times the mentally ill are too ill to speak up.
So maybe someone should listen.
You have been labeled as racist this year and sexist last year. Are you really ableist too?
You've spent the last 3 years crushing my self image and my dreams and I am done putting up with it.
Goodbye Queen's.
Try to do better.
Jess
I should be graduating in May. This should be my final semester.
Instead I am leaving.
Two near suicide attempts and one leave of absence later, I realized you were not worth my time, money or health.
A lot of it was not your fault, but a lot of it was.
Firstly, your student body and staff still have so much stigma surrounding mental health and invisible illness.
As a person with depression, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, I have always felt like an outsider, unable to participate in activities around campus due to illness and treated like I'm lazy and stupid by peers and profs.
Your "mental health staff" I was sent to after a suicidal episode told me my dreams we too lofty and that I would never achieve them with my health conditions. Not something someone who just 12 hours earlier was considering taking her own life really needs to hear.
I don't want to have to get mad or blame you, but the truth is I do have to. If I don't get mad, no one will listen and nothing will change. The next girl that gets her dreams crushed in your "mental health office" will commit suicide and it will be the school's fault, society's fault, and my fault for not getting mad and speaking up.
Truth is Queen's ruined my self esteem. The pressure to be perfect is reflected in the high achieving student body and the stigmatized ideologies of the staff. It seemed to me that because I was disabled I was believed unable to succeed.
A lot of it was my fault too. I didn't reach out until the end of first year. But once I did I never stopped and failed to find significant support on campus besides the spectacular friends I met during orientation. (Who I am always worried are too busy with their own mental health and crazy course loads, so I avoid reaching out to them). I've watched as other people have gotten them same treatment by your "medical staff" regarding their mental health. It's almost like we're brushed off as crazy and lost causes in terms of graduating no matter how much effort we put in.
You have mental health talks for orientation. You have groups and clubs on campus. There are meetings and activities. But is anyone listening? Many mentally ill students still feel isolated and abandoned by the school.
To put it bluntly: Suicides will happen.
The pressure to be perfect and 'normal' and 'mentally sane' is overwhelming at Queen's.
To be fair, I haven't experienced the atmosphere at other universities and I would love input from other students. But shouldn't Queen's, having the prestigious reputation that is does, be a leader in mental health initiatives?
And maybe you are. But it's a pathetic attempt if you ask me.
I have to tell you this because you aren't accessing the mental health services. We are. And often times the mentally ill are too ill to speak up.
So maybe someone should listen.
You have been labeled as racist this year and sexist last year. Are you really ableist too?
You've spent the last 3 years crushing my self image and my dreams and I am done putting up with it.
Goodbye Queen's.
Try to do better.
Jess
Hello Jess ... we have never met, yet I do think I qualify as someone concerned at Queen's University. I am sorry you have decided you must leave - I am sure you know yourself what you need right now but I am sure you have mixed emotions.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt your dreams included achieving your degree from Queen's. Remember though you are very young and your dreams can change. You may have been encouraged to give up your dream, but don't give up on yourself. Ever.
If we had met (I'm on campus everyday) and I knew what you were experiencing I might have said "I know... me too." or "I'm so glad I'm not 21 anymore... things have improved so much now."
I know there is pressure to be perfect and mostly I think it is an illusion. For what it's worth from an anonymous comment on the Internet: I wish you well, enjoy that yoga, walks among trees, friendly dogs, the sunlight on your back, and people who have redefined success to suit themselves.
Farewell,