The Real Story of Mental/Chronic Illness as a Young Adult

Hey all, Another week wasted: I have contacted work to let them know I cannot work today because I'm having trouble walking because of my knee. They are lovely at helping me out, but I know it is hard when an employee can't make their shifts and keeps screwing them up. It also sucks because I am super broke, and don't know when I'll be back to making any amount of money. I emailed my physiotherapist today and will get an appointment this week and am planning to head to a walk in to beg for help. I also see a psychiatrist Thursday. I just do not know what to do anymore. Doctors seem to have given up, making it hard for me not to. Relieved work is understanding, upset I can't be the employee they hired.

Today is hard. My cold is brutal.  I barely slept last night and today I can't breathe very well and my head is so stuffed up. I'm having a really hard time handling being sick and still struggling with the depression I feel lonely Not good enough Not strong enough Not smart enough Like a failure Like I cannot, will not, beat this. And I'm not even sure if I mean the cold or the depression or the fibro or everything all at once. Honestly I don't know if I'm just posting this to whine or what. I'm lost and hurting. I realize though I can't only show the good in my life though. And this is the real life view on how I feel. I'm desperate for help, but don't know what would help.  Or who can help. Friends, family, doctors, they all ask what they can do.  I DON'T KNOW. I just need help. I know I'm not actually alone but I spend a lot of time in an empty apartment talking to my cat.  I could definitely call or text some...

Hey loyal people who are still looking out for me, You guys are the real MVPs. I have been feeling so so so down.  And I caught a cold. Yay. I went to the hospital recently because I felt like a danger to myself.  They referred me to a mental health walk in clinic that specializes in crises. It only took me like a week and a half to actually get my butt to the clinic but they got me a psychiatrist appointment in a week and a half which I think is truly what I need; my meds don't seem to be touching the darkness lately. Very few of my clothes still fit.  Food has always been a crutch for me and when I am depressed I eat crap. And way too much.  So the dark hole I've been sucked into has made me fat.  Well, I made myself fat. But either way it is frustrating and upsetting.  And trying on clothes so that I have some that fit in my closet, is frustrating and upsetting because H&M and American Eagle and all the trendy stores don't have big girl siz...

Hey all For those of you wondering what makes me decide today is a good day to post... my biggest fan messages me and lets me know it's been to long and I finally kick my butt in gear to make an update. So hey, I'm still kicking. Not really successfully, but somewhat successfully. The past month has been hard on me, the last week extremely trying. Firstly, I went to Alberta with my family which was awesome but so tiring and hard on my joints. (Full day at Calgary stampede, lots of hiking in banff and jasper, etc). Overall it was a great experience and I don't regret it, I just wish it came at a time my mind was in a better place. Lately my mood has been extremely down. My pain gets to me and I have trouble getting out of bed. I only have 1-2 shifts at work, which is probably best for my pain level, but it leaves most of my week open and I don't really have hobbies. The depression makes it difficult to discover new hobbies because I have little interest in any...

With chronic illness I find I am always waiting for something to go wrong whenever I'm having a good spell.  I know this is extremely unhealthy and makes life more stressful, but my brain has been trained to believe something will always go wrong eventually. So the other shoe dropped yesterday.  And it continues to drag me down today. My knees are in agony.  So much so I went to the ER yesterday.  The doctor said I probably had patella femoral syndrome which basically means my quads are not equally strong and they're causing my kneecaps to grind against the bone underneath.  So I have to build muscle.  Which would be easy if exercise didn't make the pain all the more worse. I'm feeling the despair. The "I can't do this anymore".  I can barely move my legs.  Climbing stairs is causes so much pain. The hardest part is people's suggestions.  I don't want to hear what you think will work.  I just want the pain to stop.  Which so...

Hey everyone! I am very excited to update you on my life. I have just moved.  Into a lovely little 2 bedroom, that I rent all by myself with my cat.  I'm happily living on my own and enjoying my own space (and only having to deal with my own mess). Zeus has settled in pretty well too.  There's a big window he can lounge on the window sill and look out at a big tree. I have just got a job! I am a Tea Guide at the mall DAVIDsTEA here in Kingston and I am so looking forward to the adventures and learning experience this will open me up to.  I'm currently working on online training which is actually fun to do. So if you love tea, are looking for the right tea, or just interested in getting into tea, I'm now your girl! My relationship is wonderful.  I know I haven't spoken much about my boyfriend but I'd like to take a few sentences to appreciate him.  Not only is he seriously good looking, he has a heart of gold and is so supportive of my treatment pl...

Yep, I definitely used AF, because that's how I feel. Hey there, Friday I sat down on the couch and my knees were so so sore I couldn't stand back up.  My boyfriend came over to help me get un-stuck. I've been busy though! I called HydraAthletics Kingston on Wednesday and they got me in for an assessment that day.  What the heck is Hydrathletics, you may ask. It is a physio and athletic therapy practice that has 2 pools, one with warm water and one with slightly cooler water, both of which have treadmills built in.  The warmer one has cameras under water to assess walking style and posture as well as posture and technique for any of the exercises the therapist gives you. I was matched up with an athletic therapist and he is great. The assessment was a land assessment. We talked about my medical history, all my aches and pains and he tested my (nonexistent) flexibility and range of motion, and looked at my posture and walk. They then got me in the next day for ...