Why depression is a disability...

In my experience, depression has greatly disabled my ability to participate in day to day stuff.  

First and probably most important is hygiene. The depression has convinced me brushing my teeth isn't worth it.  Obviously I know I have to brush twice daily but I often forget or don't have the energy to get out of bed once I've remembered.  I have nightmares about teeth falling out (I have a phobia of loose teeth: mine, other people's, my 9 year old brother wiggling at the dinner table). It's brutal. There's also showering. I do not have enough energy to stand up long enough to shower a lot of the time. People will tell me "wow, you smell really good" which often baffles me because it's been 4 days since I actually got the motivation to shower. Not being able to do this means I'm not self-sufficient. 

While I was living on my own I couldn't get my cat's litter box clean or the dishes washed, both of which had similar reasoning to showering. I cannot live on my own until I treat the depression. 

Next, I am often extremely nauseous. I get lightheaded or dizzy and have to sit.  This could also be caused by exhaustion. Because with depression, no amount of sleep is enough. I can sleep till my body doesn't want to sleep anymore (about 14 hours) and still be so tired I can't stand up longer than a couple minutes. I get so tired I want to throw up. 

Not to mention I have tried 5 different drugs, 2 of which gave me IBS or left me on the bathroom floor waiting to throw up.  For hours. I miss work or class or meetings.  Because of the drug that was supposed to be helpful. 

The worst part is the pain. Often my bones ache. Walking is painful. I have chronic back pain, which starts in my lower back, moves out to my hips and stabs down the back of my legs. I had X-rays of my back but nothing showed up, so the investigation was abandoned. My doctor says my hips and knees hurt because I've gained weight I'm not used to carrying. Which is true. 

Food all tastes like dirt to me, so I often bake or cook foods that are bad for me that I know I used to love to see if it will cause joy or pleasure. It doesn't. But the pounds add up. Plus the last drug I was on caused me to gain about 15lbs. 

So I can't do stuff like a healthy person. I often have to sit for most of the day. My exercise is a 10 minute walk which leaves me breathless. I have fallen over fell back pain. And I can't support myself in an apartment. If I could I'd spend all day in bed (which is a common depression symptom).

So am I disabled? Yeah I'd say so. I'm definitely not able-bodied. And it sucks. But I hope to be getting help soon 

P.S. Hope is a new thing for me... I used to assume nothing would ever work and dying was the only way out. So the drugs are woooorking. Bonus. If only the sleeping one helped me.