Problems and Confusion

-
I'm having a really hard time adjusting to Homewood.  Im home sick and not sure if it is truly the right treatment plan for me.  It's been just a week, and once im home for the weekend I will explain my experiences, but I thought I'd let you in on some of my thoughts.  There are long gaps in the days that I spend in my hospital room, its not the greatest.  I feel I could be at home seeing a psychologist twice weekly for cheaper, and be more productive.  I'm not sleeping well here at all and am so exhuasted that group is having little benefit.

But I feel like I haven't given it here enough of a chance here and I would feel like a failure leaving.  Plus so many have said it worked for them.

But what if I'm not one of them?  What if inpatient care isn't what I need?

Im just lost ond confused here.

Im sticking it out for the week and will evaluate once I'm home for the weekend.

Have a great day!

Jess

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To whom it may concern at Queen's University...

-
To whom it may concern at Queen's University, I should be graduating in May.  This should be my final semester. Instead I am leaving. Two near suicide attempts and one leave of absence later, I realized you were not worth my time, money or health. A lot of it was not your fault, but a lot of it was. Firstly, your student body and staff still have so much stigma surrounding mental health and invisible illness. As a person with depression, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, I have always felt like an outsider, unable to participate in activities around campus due to illness and treated like I'm lazy and stupid by peers and profs. Your "mental health staff" I was sent to after a suicidal episode told me my dreams we too lofty and that I would never achieve them with my health conditions. Not something someone who just 12 hours earlier was considering taking her own life really needs to hear. I don't want to have to get mad or blame you, but the truth is ...
Read more

Thoughts Pre-Bell Let's Talk 2020

-
I haven’t blogged in a while, but this felt like the best platform for this stream of consciousness. Since last Bell Let’s Talk, I have discovered I had borderline personality disorder, gained some control over my disorder, and became the student I knew I could be at college. Borderline personality disorder makes sense to me; the more I learn about the disorder, the more I learn about myself and about the path to success that works for me. There are still bad days, but I like to believe the good now outweigh the bad, a situation I didn’t deem possible last Bell Let’s Talk day.   Although, I am not sure where my mind set was a year ago and I cringe at the thought of rereading old writing, so do not quote me on my memory of me.               I have always participated in Bell Let’s Talk with reckless abandon and planned to again when I saw the Facebook event pop up a couple weeks ago. I am not capable...
Read more

Suicide

-
I could very much be jinxing myself right now. But I figured, if its been a long enough time that I cannot remember what website my blog is on, I should probably update you lovely, caring people. I seem to be coming down from a suicidal episode. Unless its just the weed and once I am sober I will be back on the floor crying. But for now, I seem to be coming back into the world of the living; I showered, brushed my teeth and did the dishes. I know that seems like a basic day, not even an 8th of the chores someone should do daily, but for me (or many people with depression), that is an amazing achievement. Since Thursday evening I have been crying on and off (more on than off) for hours and hours. I have cried in every room in my apartment (including sitting the shower, with the water on) and I got to cry at school in front of all my peers. I did a phenomenal job of convincing myself life was not worth living; that everyone was burdened by me and although they'd be sad I ...
Read more