Upset about a lot of things

-
Hey everyone,

So I saw my naturopath yesterday and she gave me the results of the electro-dermal screening test I had done last week. Loooong story short, I can no longer eat dairy, shellfish, peanuts, chocolate, corn, canola oil, sugar, cantaloupe, and other things.

I am not happy.  I've cried over this.  It sounds stupid.  I love ice cream and cheese and chocolate.  And eating minus all these foods is going to be stupid hard. I can have goat cheese and goat ice cream but it is not at all the same.

And of course I still can't eat gluten.

The test results also suggest I have H. Pylori which can cause ulcers.  So I'm on some supplements to help with that.  She also told me to stop the antibiotics for a little bit to see if the vomiting stops.

Luckily, the naturopath has said I probably will not have to be off these foods forever.

In other news, I won't be returning to school anytime soon.  I'm just not healthy enough to live on my own, plus all my doctors are here at home.

I am miserable about this.  I miss my friends.  I feel like I'm giving up everything.  I'm so disheartened that I feel like I won't be healthy by next year.  And if I miss next year too all my friends will have graduated and I'm on my own for the rest of school.  And who knows where they'll go once they graduate.

I want my friends back.  I want my life back.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Quickly losing hope in myself, in medical care, in everything.

I've fallen behind on my online courses... I dont have the motivation or the concentration to get the work done.  I wish I had dropped the academic writing course; I'm not learning anything and my marks are plummeting in it.  It's just so boring and useless it seems.

Sorry for all the complaining, I'm having a hard time.

Thanks for reading,

Jess  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To whom it may concern at Queen's University...

-
To whom it may concern at Queen's University, I should be graduating in May.  This should be my final semester. Instead I am leaving. Two near suicide attempts and one leave of absence later, I realized you were not worth my time, money or health. A lot of it was not your fault, but a lot of it was. Firstly, your student body and staff still have so much stigma surrounding mental health and invisible illness. As a person with depression, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, I have always felt like an outsider, unable to participate in activities around campus due to illness and treated like I'm lazy and stupid by peers and profs. Your "mental health staff" I was sent to after a suicidal episode told me my dreams we too lofty and that I would never achieve them with my health conditions. Not something someone who just 12 hours earlier was considering taking her own life really needs to hear. I don't want to have to get mad or blame you, but the truth is ...
Read more

Thoughts Pre-Bell Let's Talk 2020

-
I haven’t blogged in a while, but this felt like the best platform for this stream of consciousness. Since last Bell Let’s Talk, I have discovered I had borderline personality disorder, gained some control over my disorder, and became the student I knew I could be at college. Borderline personality disorder makes sense to me; the more I learn about the disorder, the more I learn about myself and about the path to success that works for me. There are still bad days, but I like to believe the good now outweigh the bad, a situation I didn’t deem possible last Bell Let’s Talk day.   Although, I am not sure where my mind set was a year ago and I cringe at the thought of rereading old writing, so do not quote me on my memory of me.               I have always participated in Bell Let’s Talk with reckless abandon and planned to again when I saw the Facebook event pop up a couple weeks ago. I am not capable...
Read more

Suicide

-
I could very much be jinxing myself right now. But I figured, if its been a long enough time that I cannot remember what website my blog is on, I should probably update you lovely, caring people. I seem to be coming down from a suicidal episode. Unless its just the weed and once I am sober I will be back on the floor crying. But for now, I seem to be coming back into the world of the living; I showered, brushed my teeth and did the dishes. I know that seems like a basic day, not even an 8th of the chores someone should do daily, but for me (or many people with depression), that is an amazing achievement. Since Thursday evening I have been crying on and off (more on than off) for hours and hours. I have cried in every room in my apartment (including sitting the shower, with the water on) and I got to cry at school in front of all my peers. I did a phenomenal job of convincing myself life was not worth living; that everyone was burdened by me and although they'd be sad I ...
Read more