To the people I haven't answered...

-
Dear whomever I have not answered in the last little bit;

I am truly very sorry.

Everything kind of slid out from under me and I ended up back in Caledon for the rest of December.  There was very little for me to do in Kingston and I was having a hard time taking care of myself so I came home to regroup and will retry grownup life in January.

I will be starting a mental health outpatient program at KGH come January and continue to participate in physio and massage therapy.

THE PAIN HAS GOTTEN SO BAD.  In mainly my hips.  Well my hips are so bad I cannot feel any other pain (Other than the GOD AWFUL canker I got on my tongue from taking naproxen for the pain).  Basically I am having a lot of trouble walking.

I went to the mall with my grandma and mom and had to use my grandmother's cane to get around.  I have since ordered my own (set to arrive on Friday (thanks so much for being SPEEDY Amazon -sarcasm-)).

It feels kinda horrible being 21 and needing a mobility aid to walk.  People do stare.  Today I took one of my grandma's extra canes when I went to run errands and I turned several heads.

Doctors keep asking me what I want them to do. I have no idea, I just want the pain to stop.  But the main consensus is "keep doing what you're doing and it'll get better eventually".  Which is nice, but waiting for something to get better is not easy when you're in this much pain.

So I am truly sorry if I have not answered you, thank you for your time and concern.

Love,

Jess

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To whom it may concern at Queen's University...

-
To whom it may concern at Queen's University, I should be graduating in May.  This should be my final semester. Instead I am leaving. Two near suicide attempts and one leave of absence later, I realized you were not worth my time, money or health. A lot of it was not your fault, but a lot of it was. Firstly, your student body and staff still have so much stigma surrounding mental health and invisible illness. As a person with depression, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, I have always felt like an outsider, unable to participate in activities around campus due to illness and treated like I'm lazy and stupid by peers and profs. Your "mental health staff" I was sent to after a suicidal episode told me my dreams we too lofty and that I would never achieve them with my health conditions. Not something someone who just 12 hours earlier was considering taking her own life really needs to hear. I don't want to have to get mad or blame you, but the truth is ...
Read more

Thoughts Pre-Bell Let's Talk 2020

-
I haven’t blogged in a while, but this felt like the best platform for this stream of consciousness. Since last Bell Let’s Talk, I have discovered I had borderline personality disorder, gained some control over my disorder, and became the student I knew I could be at college. Borderline personality disorder makes sense to me; the more I learn about the disorder, the more I learn about myself and about the path to success that works for me. There are still bad days, but I like to believe the good now outweigh the bad, a situation I didn’t deem possible last Bell Let’s Talk day.   Although, I am not sure where my mind set was a year ago and I cringe at the thought of rereading old writing, so do not quote me on my memory of me.               I have always participated in Bell Let’s Talk with reckless abandon and planned to again when I saw the Facebook event pop up a couple weeks ago. I am not capable...
Read more

Suicide

-
I could very much be jinxing myself right now. But I figured, if its been a long enough time that I cannot remember what website my blog is on, I should probably update you lovely, caring people. I seem to be coming down from a suicidal episode. Unless its just the weed and once I am sober I will be back on the floor crying. But for now, I seem to be coming back into the world of the living; I showered, brushed my teeth and did the dishes. I know that seems like a basic day, not even an 8th of the chores someone should do daily, but for me (or many people with depression), that is an amazing achievement. Since Thursday evening I have been crying on and off (more on than off) for hours and hours. I have cried in every room in my apartment (including sitting the shower, with the water on) and I got to cry at school in front of all my peers. I did a phenomenal job of convincing myself life was not worth living; that everyone was burdened by me and although they'd be sad I ...
Read more