Drifting through and some wicked knee pain
Hey y'all
How's it going?
I'm alright.
I'm feeling kind of out of it. Lost I guess?
I'm bouncing between Caledon and Kingston trying to keep myself busy cooking and cleaning and looking after Emmett (my family's dog).
But still, I feel like I have very little purpose, a feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Not really a depressive episode, but almost like I could fall into one at any moment.
Here's some insight into what's up.
Pain-wise:
On one hand, my hips are doing very well. On the other, my knees are killing me, mainly when I have to do stairs or when I move around in bed.
Moving:
I've slowly been packing up for my move in May, but I'm somewhat stressed as my old landlord insists I be out by April 30th and the new landlord just informed me I cannot get my keys until 12:45 on May 1st. Kind of a dilemma. It could be worse, I know, but it is still hugely anxiety-provoking for me and as much as I know things will work out, I cannot help worrying about it for the month and a half leading up to April 30th.
Treatment:
I am starting a course on Mindfulness next week. Its a once a week, couple hours in the afternoon, course and it should be good for me and hopefully will be helpful.
Still powering through physio, I'm shitty at doing my exercises but I am trying and progress seems to be happening.
I am seeing a psychologist occasionally to keep myself on track.
Fun Stuff:
I'm going to Alberta! With my family, in the summer, to celebrate Canada for the 150th birthday of the country. We're going to the national parks, so I need to get ready for some hiking! Hopefully my body can handle it. I think it will be super fun though. I have planned so much and have an organized binder ready for the trip
School:
I got in to my top choice! Well now I've actually got in to all my choices... but I'm going to St. Lawrence College for a Honours Bachelor of Behavioural Psychology! I start in September. Yay!
So everything seems pretty good, which honestly just makes you feel guilty as heck for feeling bad.
It's really just a feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel so out of place and not hopeless but just exhausted of trying (not that I have the option to stop) that I want to sleep all day (not that my body, my shame/guilt, or my friends/family would let me).
Conflicting with that is a great desire to be productive and go out and do stuff.
The issue being I don't have a job or school to be productive with, and I don't have money to do stuff, so often I am left with no choice but to stay at home and try to be productive there. It is very hard to motivate yourself when you feel trapped at home and so a cycle begins of feeling trapped and unproductive and then feeling bad and being more unproductive, etc.
I do get out for walks and stuff. I am trying very hard to get some exercise in, as exhausting as it is and as painful as it is.
But man am I tired.
Hope you are doing well my friends,
Jess
How's it going?
I'm alright.
I'm feeling kind of out of it. Lost I guess?
I'm bouncing between Caledon and Kingston trying to keep myself busy cooking and cleaning and looking after Emmett (my family's dog).
But still, I feel like I have very little purpose, a feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Not really a depressive episode, but almost like I could fall into one at any moment.
Here's some insight into what's up.
Pain-wise:
On one hand, my hips are doing very well. On the other, my knees are killing me, mainly when I have to do stairs or when I move around in bed.
Moving:
I've slowly been packing up for my move in May, but I'm somewhat stressed as my old landlord insists I be out by April 30th and the new landlord just informed me I cannot get my keys until 12:45 on May 1st. Kind of a dilemma. It could be worse, I know, but it is still hugely anxiety-provoking for me and as much as I know things will work out, I cannot help worrying about it for the month and a half leading up to April 30th.
Treatment:
I am starting a course on Mindfulness next week. Its a once a week, couple hours in the afternoon, course and it should be good for me and hopefully will be helpful.
Still powering through physio, I'm shitty at doing my exercises but I am trying and progress seems to be happening.
I am seeing a psychologist occasionally to keep myself on track.
Fun Stuff:
I'm going to Alberta! With my family, in the summer, to celebrate Canada for the 150th birthday of the country. We're going to the national parks, so I need to get ready for some hiking! Hopefully my body can handle it. I think it will be super fun though. I have planned so much and have an organized binder ready for the trip
School:
I got in to my top choice! Well now I've actually got in to all my choices... but I'm going to St. Lawrence College for a Honours Bachelor of Behavioural Psychology! I start in September. Yay!
So everything seems pretty good, which honestly just makes you feel guilty as heck for feeling bad.
It's really just a feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel so out of place and not hopeless but just exhausted of trying (not that I have the option to stop) that I want to sleep all day (not that my body, my shame/guilt, or my friends/family would let me).
Conflicting with that is a great desire to be productive and go out and do stuff.
The issue being I don't have a job or school to be productive with, and I don't have money to do stuff, so often I am left with no choice but to stay at home and try to be productive there. It is very hard to motivate yourself when you feel trapped at home and so a cycle begins of feeling trapped and unproductive and then feeling bad and being more unproductive, etc.
I do get out for walks and stuff. I am trying very hard to get some exercise in, as exhausting as it is and as painful as it is.
But man am I tired.
Hope you are doing well my friends,
Jess
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