Psychic BPD Skillz
Hey everyone,
I hate to say I told you so. But in 2014 I told a psychiatrist I had borderline personality disorder (BPD). She said, nope, that's ridiculous, you're young, its 'just' depression.
Alright lady. Last week both my family doctor and my psychiatrist told me it was BPD. My family doctor was completely unprompted. The psychiatrist I asked if it might be BPD and he replied basically: oh yeah, thats definitely what it is.
HA
Okay so what is it?
Short of copying and pasting the DSM-V.... You know what, that's probably the easiest way to do this.
Ooooooo cooooool.
I am learning quickly now how many of my thoughts and feelings were warped to hell. That the way I treated people in the past has been manipulative and mean solely to protect myself from perceived abandonment or a lack of control.
I am currently on the correct medication for this disorder, and have a toolbox full of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) techniques, created specifically for BPD.
Like everything my health has thrown my way, I am learning how to cope and taking everything and every symptom day-by-day.
I have to make a huge shout out to my boyfriend. For months he knew my anger was not directed at him, and despite my erratic and sometimes terrible behaviour towards him, he stuck it out and supported me through every mood swing.
He can tell when my emotions switch and can sense a panic attack coming some times days ahead.
This is a symptom of BPD: somedays I worship the ground he walks on. Others he's the biggest jerk.
Now I get to find that middle ground. He is amazing. He's not perfect. No one is. He is the right person for me right now.
He accepts the blips in my brain chemistry and I accept he cannot text to save his life. Compromise people (I got the good end of the deal).
I also learned that people with BPD have a hard time being separate from loved ones. If someone is not physically present, the emotion connection is gone. Since my boyfriend and I will be apart this summer, I get to learn first hand I can still be loved from far away.
My family doctor asked me how I feel about this diagnosis.
Honestly, depression never quite fit. And I now understand my behaviour and emotions so much better, and can learn how to interpret what other people say in a more realistic way.
I have so much more insight into how my cognition works now. It's actually a relief. There's other people who feel like this. There is a way to function and love and live much more effectively than I have since my mental health became a mental illness (2011).
More thoughts to come.
Positivity as much as possible my loving readers. At least today.
As always, thanks for coming along on my journey.
Jess
I hate to say I told you so. But in 2014 I told a psychiatrist I had borderline personality disorder (BPD). She said, nope, that's ridiculous, you're young, its 'just' depression.
Alright lady. Last week both my family doctor and my psychiatrist told me it was BPD. My family doctor was completely unprompted. The psychiatrist I asked if it might be BPD and he replied basically: oh yeah, thats definitely what it is.
HA
Okay so what is it?
Short of copying and pasting the DSM-V.... You know what, that's probably the easiest way to do this.
Ooooooo cooooool.
I am learning quickly now how many of my thoughts and feelings were warped to hell. That the way I treated people in the past has been manipulative and mean solely to protect myself from perceived abandonment or a lack of control.
I am currently on the correct medication for this disorder, and have a toolbox full of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) techniques, created specifically for BPD.
Like everything my health has thrown my way, I am learning how to cope and taking everything and every symptom day-by-day.
I have to make a huge shout out to my boyfriend. For months he knew my anger was not directed at him, and despite my erratic and sometimes terrible behaviour towards him, he stuck it out and supported me through every mood swing.
He can tell when my emotions switch and can sense a panic attack coming some times days ahead.
This is a symptom of BPD: somedays I worship the ground he walks on. Others he's the biggest jerk.
Now I get to find that middle ground. He is amazing. He's not perfect. No one is. He is the right person for me right now.
He accepts the blips in my brain chemistry and I accept he cannot text to save his life. Compromise people (I got the good end of the deal).
I also learned that people with BPD have a hard time being separate from loved ones. If someone is not physically present, the emotion connection is gone. Since my boyfriend and I will be apart this summer, I get to learn first hand I can still be loved from far away.
My family doctor asked me how I feel about this diagnosis.
Honestly, depression never quite fit. And I now understand my behaviour and emotions so much better, and can learn how to interpret what other people say in a more realistic way.
I have so much more insight into how my cognition works now. It's actually a relief. There's other people who feel like this. There is a way to function and love and live much more effectively than I have since my mental health became a mental illness (2011).
More thoughts to come.
Positivity as much as possible my loving readers. At least today.
As always, thanks for coming along on my journey.
Jess
Hello Jess. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, India. I am glad to stop by your profile oon the blogger and the blog post. I am also blessed and feel privileged and honoured to get connected with you as well as know you and your interest and about your chronic illness. Let me assure you my prayers for your recovery from depession as Doctor said or any other mental illness. I believe and claim God's healing touch to you. I am serious in praying for you by taking your name. Well I love getting connected with the people of God around the globe to be encouraged, strengthened and praying for one aother. We also encouage young and the adults from the west to come to mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come to Mumbai to work with us during your vacation time. I am sure the living enviornment can surely help you to over come your present mental status. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. God willing I will be coming to Calgary, Canada in the month of June/ July and will be so glad to stop by your place and specially pray for God's healing touch to you. God's richest blessings on you, your familly and friends.
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